We had a Harvest Party at the center where I work.  There was a glut of candy, cookies, cupcakes and assorted other junk food for the children.  I couldn’t believe how eager parents were to make a contribution to this particular event.  They came with bags filled with treats to give their wee people a sugar high that they are not likely to forget soon.

I don’t have a problem with hosting parties at work.  It is difficult for children who spend hours at a childcare center to participate in some of the events that are mass popular.  They cannot sign out and head home to participate in events like trick or treat.  I can only assume that this glut of treats was the parents way to let their little ones know that they were thinking about them while they were they apart.

I find this over compensation to be a bit disturbing.  I sent home an At Home Math activity sheet this week and my parents had the hardest time returning the paper with their child.  Even though they are the ones who requested that we take time to prepare something for them to work with their child.  The parents that forgot to return the sheet remembered to bring in a lot of candy or assorted other items. 

When we set up parent conferences we will have a hard time getting  of them in to see how their child is progressing.  We will have a difficult time getting some of them to spend five minutes reading to their child.  Or just listening to them share what has happened during the day.  

I wish that some of the parents that we service would pay as much attention to their child/children’s education as they do to holiday treats.  That would be a really nice change for all of us.

I am sitting here trying to absorb some disturbing news.  I refuse to air out dirty laundry in such a public venue.  That is not the reason why I have created Blogging Elsewhere.  Since it’s not really my dirt to expose, I have to keep it close to my heart.  Work my way around it.  Open up and let what can be removed from my thoughts-go.  Otherwise, I will never get any rest.  And if there one thing that I definitely need is rest.

When smart people do sincerely careless and stupid things-there’s nothing that can be said or done to make it right.

Putting sugar over shit doesn’t make it smell or seem any better.  There’s no way to cover it over or to wind back the clock to change decisions that were made.  This reality of life is one that has the bite of a pitbull.  It has sunk its teeth into my thoughts and it has proceeded to dig in.  I cannot even yell or fight back.  All I can do is numb myself for a moment.  A luxury that is only mine for a few hours.  I have to be full aware and functional in a few hours. Prepared to step up and deliver for the day.

Today was supposed to be one in which my balance would be reset.  I refuse to stand down off of that attempt.  If I have to loose sleep or sit up all night-so be it.  But in reality, I cannot let myself get too caught up in what’s happening.  It is not a situation that I created.  I am only a part of the equation by default.  So it should be easy for me to step back and let it be.  However, that isn’t happening-at least not at this moment.  Instead I’m sitting here with my fingers moving across the keyboard of my notebook as if this is the most important moment of my life.  I know that it is just one of many that have occurred.  It is just one of many that have yet to unfold. 

Just taking the time to air out this portion of my feelings has made me feel a little more relaxed.  That is a good thing because I don’t want to be functioning on a high level of tension.  I need to be calm and in control of my wits.  Losing perspective right along now is not a part of my personal plans.  I came home from work on Friday with a determination to be more in synch with the peaceful and calm side of myself.  That is a goal that I refuse to let myself be removed from.

It is going to be a long night.  Even if the hours pass by quickly before it is time to get up and head out.  When things suddenly blow up and start to swirl around it is not easy to re-capture them.  How in the hell do you close off a situation that has already altered so many lives?  I don’t have an answer for this question.  There is no easy fix for this dilemma.  All I have is the desire to continue moving in the direction that I am headed in.  That’s all I can do for the moment.

While the stench circulates around me.  I have to continue pressing on to the mark that I set for myself.

I’ve been on an inner peace making mission today.  After spending weeks dealing with racially charged issues, I had finally had my fill of negativity.  I ended up cussing out a racist who made a couple of  crazy comments on two of my blog posts. 

Being the BBB woman that I am (Black Baby Boomer) having a direct confrontation with oppositional forces is nothing new.  I expected that sooner or later one of them would come rolling through onto my site.  Just like they tended to do whenever we were on the streets engaged in anti-racist activity. 

This particular man made me really angry because he comes across as a wannabee bad ass.  I had written about a sista being beaten by a White male down in Georgia at a Cracker Barrel in Morrow.  His conclusion for this racist/sexist action was basically-all women of color needed to be beaten down by White males.  Of course, I’m not using the language that he used to express this thought. 

I don’t know why it is so difficult for racist to understand that after hearing the “N” word in all of it’s different forms during my  life time, using it does not have the impact they think that it does.  That is not the comment that pissed me off, it was the “in your place” part.  That’s old school Southern belief.  One that I’ve never been able to wrap my head around.  His remarks sounded like a punk ass version of a slave master.  I’m not the one for that nonsense.  So, I fired back on him with a set of very nasty remarks of my own.  I said what I meant and I meant what I said. 

This highly charged atmosphere is dangerous.  Especially for those who are afraid.  I’m not fearful because to me, it is just history repeating itself within this nation.  Our society has to open up to re-adjust our attitudes and definitions of what American will mean in this century.  That was going to happen whether Obama was elected or not.  A matter of fact that seems to elude those who do not know this nation’s story. 

Those who hold the belief that returning to the past is the way to go-need to really get a clue.  We cannot go backwards because too many of us are accustomed to moving forward.  Whether we go with them or without them seems to be the point where we honestly are at.  All of this red baiting and undercover racism isn’t going to do what they think it will.  It might spark violence.  But, this is a violent society anyway.  It also doesn’t say much about our collective ability to peacefully work out our differences.

I’m always for the high road first.  That’s what a civilized group of people turn to in times of duress.  I’m also pro armed struggle if it is required.  Not as an act of aggression but as one of defense.  I am just hoping that we as a nation of people do not have to resort to this option.  Only a damn fool would believe that if a race war actually broke out that this nation would roll back without any more resistance.  Killing people who are different won’t change reality for the nation. 

What really knocks me out is the belief that God is on their side in this issue.  This totally contradicts the basic tenants of creation.  While they might want to believe that God did not have a greater vision in mind, we are here and so our other colored counterparts.  Each of our respective ethnic backgrounds have been spawned from great civilizations that stood since the beginning of time.  A matter of fact that they cannot kill off.  Nor will they ever be able to totally conceal this reality.  The truth will rise up and tell its own story in due time and due season.

I had to rid myself of the anger.  That wasn’t easy.  I spent the earlier years of my life being angry within this nation. After spending my youth looking at my people being assaulted and murdered here, I had a lot of issues with this nation’s attitudes.  Issues that I had to learn to work around while working on at the same time.  I survived and progressed in spite of all the obstacles that stood before me.  Now they want us to go backwards?  Not really.  If  I had to rollback to the place they wanted me to occupy in this society-there would be a problem. Not just for me-but for them as well.  There is nothing that lights a fire like a dream deferred. 

They should remember what we learned while growing up.  God gave Moses the rainbow sign.  No more water but fire the next time.  Either you understand this or you don’t.  But if the fuse is lit this time-we all will discover that what we have in common is the losses we will all experience.

This piece of ear candy is from Persona by Queen Latifah.  I really like this particular cut.  There’s a whole lot of truth and wisdom in the lyrics. 

My dad’s health took a another plummet.  I have tried not to allow my thoughts to be swayed over into worrying about what will happen next.  I’m staying realistic and optimistic about his situation.   My dad will be 80 years old in Feburary if it is in God’s will.

My mother tolder me that she is having some health issues as well.  When it rains it pours.  She’s optimistic about handling whatever comes her way.  I just hope that I can be as strong as she is at this time in my life.  It is difficult for me to see mh parents going through difficult times.  I’m so use to them being the ones that I can lean on.  Now it is their turn to lean on me. 

It is almost time for the traditional school year to begin.  I’ve been busy making preparations for this year.  It hasn’t been easy for me to move through my classroom. I have a special needs child that drains all of my energy.  He does a lot fo screaming when things are not going his way.  That takes a lot to endure.  Plus his other behaviors make for along day.  I am in the process of looking into finding him help.  These type of situations are never easy because I have to be supportive of the child and his family.  I also have to maneuver my way through the school system’s hoops to help secure that help.  That is a tedious process.

I just hoep and pray that when I talk to his parent, what I have to say will be well received.  I know that this is not an easy conversation for someone to accept.  Even when the parent realizes that the truth is being told, there is this tendency to resist moving forward.  Which always makes my job more difficult as a teacher.  Because I have to try and sell the idea in a positive manner.  Curing times like these I feel like a tightrope walker.  One tip too far in either direction will cause me to loose my professional edge. 

I always worry about what the parent will say  or do after hearing my concerns.  I have had parents put up a gallant fight.  Which is not unusual.  Many parents don’t want to have their child labeled with words that make them seemingly standout among their peers.  In reality when a child does not receive the help they need that is what makes them stand out.  Children are very observant of their enviornment.

There was a time that this song could be heard pouring out of my stereo speakers.  I heard it one night on our local jazz station and liked it well enough to purchase the album.  Swing Time turned out to be one of my favorite albums of that season.

It sounds really good.  It has been a long time since I’ve heard this song.  It brings back memories of the days and nights when I would sit with my journal and just write.  I still have those books and I read them every once and awhile.  I find that my writing on line is nothing like the style that comes across when I use pen and paper.  That’s when my deep personal thoughts rise up to the surface. 

I am always aware of the fact that blogs are open to the public view.  Which makes me censor my writing in ways that a journal does not.  I want to write a book.  If I am going to achieve this goal it is obvious to me that I will need to use a journal first.  I have several books that are just waiting on me to fill their pages.  I decided that this year I will be prepared to participate in National Novel Writing Month and do so successfully.  50,000 words is my goal.  I have been preparing the way to start writing now to be prepared for November.

It is time for me to call it a night.  I need to get myself some needed rest.