I am glad that we have finally moved the clocks back one hour.  I feel rested and my biological time flow is in synch with time.  I hate to spring ahead.  I am not pro-daylight savings time.  It always messes my sense of balance up. I like time to move on its own natural course.  It is getting dark early in the evening and that is cool with me.

My birthday is this weekend.  I usually have a quiet celebration that consists of spending time with family, having a meal and enjoying the attention that is lavished on me during our gathering.  This year my birthday seems to be taking a different direction.

When I arrived home from work there was a set of CD’s inside of my mail box and a simple notecard with a Happy Birthday greeting from a friend.  Then I was surprised by a gift from a friend of mine that I’ve never met.  We know each other on-line and claim kinship because we think a like on many issues.  It is a beautiful wall hanging that I really like.  that was definitely a surprise!

I am taking Monday off from work.  I need a break.  I will spending time shopping for an outfit to wear to my oldest son’s wedding next month.  I’m excited about this event!  I am glad to know that he has finally decided to cement the relationship he has maintained for almost a decade.  I’m thinking that this is going to be a fun event.  I am looking forward to spending the day with family and friends in celebration.

I’ve been busy writing my life story on another site.  I haven’t decided whether or not to make those posts permanent yet.  I believe that if I can produce a decent volume of work the cost to make it available after my life is over will be well worth it.  It has been challenging trying to decide what to share and how to share my thoughts on different aspects of my life.

 

We had a Harvest Party at the center where I work.  There was a glut of candy, cookies, cupcakes and assorted other junk food for the children.  I couldn’t believe how eager parents were to make a contribution to this particular event.  They came with bags filled with treats to give their wee people a sugar high that they are not likely to forget soon.

I don’t have a problem with hosting parties at work.  It is difficult for children who spend hours at a childcare center to participate in some of the events that are mass popular.  They cannot sign out and head home to participate in events like trick or treat.  I can only assume that this glut of treats was the parents way to let their little ones know that they were thinking about them while they were they apart.

I find this over compensation to be a bit disturbing.  I sent home an At Home Math activity sheet this week and my parents had the hardest time returning the paper with their child.  Even though they are the ones who requested that we take time to prepare something for them to work with their child.  The parents that forgot to return the sheet remembered to bring in a lot of candy or assorted other items. 

When we set up parent conferences we will have a hard time getting  of them in to see how their child is progressing.  We will have a difficult time getting some of them to spend five minutes reading to their child.  Or just listening to them share what has happened during the day.  

I wish that some of the parents that we service would pay as much attention to their child/children’s education as they do to holiday treats.  That would be a really nice change for all of us.

I am sitting here trying to absorb some disturbing news.  I refuse to air out dirty laundry in such a public venue.  That is not the reason why I have created Blogging Elsewhere.  Since it’s not really my dirt to expose, I have to keep it close to my heart.  Work my way around it.  Open up and let what can be removed from my thoughts-go.  Otherwise, I will never get any rest.  And if there one thing that I definitely need is rest.

When smart people do sincerely careless and stupid things-there’s nothing that can be said or done to make it right.

Putting sugar over shit doesn’t make it smell or seem any better.  There’s no way to cover it over or to wind back the clock to change decisions that were made.  This reality of life is one that has the bite of a pitbull.  It has sunk its teeth into my thoughts and it has proceeded to dig in.  I cannot even yell or fight back.  All I can do is numb myself for a moment.  A luxury that is only mine for a few hours.  I have to be full aware and functional in a few hours. Prepared to step up and deliver for the day.

Today was supposed to be one in which my balance would be reset.  I refuse to stand down off of that attempt.  If I have to loose sleep or sit up all night-so be it.  But in reality, I cannot let myself get too caught up in what’s happening.  It is not a situation that I created.  I am only a part of the equation by default.  So it should be easy for me to step back and let it be.  However, that isn’t happening-at least not at this moment.  Instead I’m sitting here with my fingers moving across the keyboard of my notebook as if this is the most important moment of my life.  I know that it is just one of many that have occurred.  It is just one of many that have yet to unfold. 

Just taking the time to air out this portion of my feelings has made me feel a little more relaxed.  That is a good thing because I don’t want to be functioning on a high level of tension.  I need to be calm and in control of my wits.  Losing perspective right along now is not a part of my personal plans.  I came home from work on Friday with a determination to be more in synch with the peaceful and calm side of myself.  That is a goal that I refuse to let myself be removed from.

It is going to be a long night.  Even if the hours pass by quickly before it is time to get up and head out.  When things suddenly blow up and start to swirl around it is not easy to re-capture them.  How in the hell do you close off a situation that has already altered so many lives?  I don’t have an answer for this question.  There is no easy fix for this dilemma.  All I have is the desire to continue moving in the direction that I am headed in.  That’s all I can do for the moment.

While the stench circulates around me.  I have to continue pressing on to the mark that I set for myself.