Do we really remember that there are so many lost and lonely people in our midst?

When we are moving along during the day and pass a person who has the look of being without means, do we turn our heads to try to ignore the obvious?

Those of us who are blessed to have often forget that the line between us and “them” is thread thin.  One disaster could tip us all over into the state of being without.

Instead of us spending out time and energy finding ways to work together.  We are putting a lot of energy into creating a great divide.  One that will eventually cause us all of collapse unless those with clear minds begin to act.

 We are either going to stop our own brand of madness.  Or we should prepare to hit total rock bottom.  Which might be what we honestly need to have happen.  Maybe if we all flatten out it will be that slap of reality that will motivate us to move past our differences onto our common ground.

If the color of my skin/your skin/ or the shape that my body/your body is in/ is used as a weapon of mass destruction/who will be the true victims in the end?  Will it be us or will it be them?  Only time will tell the story of how smart or foolish we really are.

Too many people have nowhere to go.  Not enough to eat or just the basics of  life.  While we have so many things that make our lives bearable.  Still, we continue to bitch/moan/and complain about the have-nots.  While we ignore our own moral poverty.  We have become a nation of people who seem to be caught up in homemade madness.  Name a group and we will be more than happy to tell you why they piss us off.

I have read articles and comments with viewpoints that are not unfamiliar to me.  They are still just as uncomfortable as they always have been.  But, it really makes me wonder if we will eventually rue the time when we spent all of our energy at odds?  Or will we continue to carry on as if the experience has the power to make things balance out?

Only time will be able to spin the tale of how we survived these difficult days.  Someone of us have already converted into mental zombies.  Moving about without really thinking about how our actions affect others.  We don’t care because it is all about me. 

What about the common good?  That point where we show a sensible level of maturity?  That point where we can look past our difference and act like we have the skills and talents to improve things?  We need a national talented tenth that can make the moves to upright our slumping sense of decent and civil behavior.

Go With The Grain is sponsoring a creative way to help combat childhood hunger.  The Bread Art Project is a way for everyone to use their creative talents to create artwork on a virtual slice of bread.  For every slice of art that is created a donation will be made to help feed hungry children in America.

 

It is easy and enjoyable.  You can use the design tools or upload your favorite photo.  It is all for a good cause.

 

I hope you will take time to visit the site and create a slice for the benefit of hungry children.

What is the magic that midnight holds?  Is it the indigo evening gown that Lady Night spreads over the skyline?  Or is it the moments of quiet that spread across the city like a blanket?

I’ve never been able to figure out what it is about this particular hour that is so alluring.  Why does it seem to have the power to draw me into its endless moments of darkness?

Some of my most profound moments of recognition have come during this time of the night.

I have been able to see miles and miles ahead of where I am.  Or miles that I have already traveled.  With a 20/20 clarity that often stuns my senses with the brilliance that radiates during those moments.

Tonight I am sitting here thinking about the past three weeks.  This road has been difficult for me.  I’m taking a unkown journey as a daughter.  My dad passed and it has been so difficult for me to fully embrace those feelings of sadness and loss.  They exist and I cannot act like they are not present.  They are not going to allow me to ignore the reality of why they exist.

I know that they will not be as sharp and piercing forever.  At least I am hoping this is the case. These past three Thursdays have begun with the moment I received a call from my sister.  A glance at the calendar to remind myself that his renewal in the spirit is his re-birth day.  While the time I have marked in mine to mourn.

This is how my midnight hours have been spent.  Trying to handle feelings that I have never known within my lifetime.  I realize now that this is the first time during my lifetime that my dad is not here. 

I could not be selfish enough to hinder him from leaving.  His body was filled with pain.  That hurt me too.  I found myself questioning who was that man lying on the bed, fragile and suffering?  Even though he was my father, I realized that he had already begun to move away each day that he was ill.  He was slowly letting go and it was obvious that he needed the release. 

There are moments when it does not seem like anything has changed.  I keep thinking that I can just pick up the phone and talk to him.  Or go visit him and see his smile when we greet.  Those are my memories now and I want them to be stronger than the pain that seems to well up daily.

In time there will be another midnight when these feelings will be distant.  I will sit and think about the moment when we laughed and talked.  When he would reassure me that it would be alright. 

I’m looking forward to those moments.

Each second that passes on the clock is moving us towards change.

My father’s life is in the final chapter.  It has been one filled with his physical body slowly giving way to the different ailments that have been battering him over the past few years.

 

I sit here tonight trying to find a quiet space within my thoughts.  It seems that they are swirling around from the past into the present and an obscured future.  I know that God has this situation in hand.  I have to stand firm on my faith in this matter or I’d be a blubbering idiot by now.

 

It is difficult for me to imagine my dad not being present in the moment.  Even though in many ways he has been steadily moving away from us.  There is security in knowing that he was always somewhere that I could reach him.  Now that he’s about to step away from us-I am not as prepared for his departure as I thought that I would be.  There is a part of me that keeps hoping he will improve-but that would only be momentarily.  And we would be right back at this moment. 

 

I do not want to see him suffer unnecessarily.  I know that he needs to be released from his body.  Because that is what is really passing away.  The flesh that has housed his spirit for 80 years.  It is old and tired.  All the repair work that could be done has occured. 

 

Now it just time to wait.  To think about moments we had with him present.  To remember what kind of man he has been to each one of us. 

 

The light of his smile is shinning brightly in my minds eye tonight.  He is laughing at something that is unknown to me.  I don’t have to know what is bringing him joy at this moment.  I just need to connect with his spirit and be happy with him.